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December 14, 2014

All the Discoveries

December 14, 2014

I may have mentioned in other places how busy 2014 was for me. I definitely underestimated how busy this year would be. But I also underestimated how much busy I would be able to handle. See, I used to think that I was the kind of person who, while passionate and ambitious, would have a hard time putting in very long hours. Or giving up my weekends for the benefit of doing the work that needed to be done. I worried sometimes that I was lazy, or just incapable and unable to focus on work in a way that I thought other people did.

What I discovered (in part) was quite the opposite. 

For the better part of the year, I had a very big project in front of me (also known as The Conference That Must Be Planned). And I found that I was very capable of throwing myself into the work that needed to be done for said conference. I was invigorated by many parts of the work, and it led me to spend the majority of the after hours of my regular job problem solving for the conference, alongside my planning cohorts. It was all at once wonderful and, honestly, a bit soul sucking.

Because while I was very focused on the work, it was to the detriment of nearly everything else in my life. Things that I had previously decided were important to me, like friends and close relationships and time in nature. And those things were still important, but I could not make them as important as the Conference Work. So instead I felt a great tension between doing the work and doing everything else that makes me a whole human being. 

That in itself became another discovery. I found out what it feels like to lose myself in the work. And I found out that it's really not a place I want to hang out for very long. I like being a whole person. I like having all those dimensions. I like not having to answer the question 'How are you?' with a very exasperated, 'Busy!'. I like having time for idleness with no guilt that there's something else I should be doing. So in 2015, I'm going to keep this in mind and rework my life accordingly. And if you see me and ask me how I'm doing, hold me accountable to not saying that I'm busy, would you?

This post is part of Think Kit by SmallBox. Today's prompt: "By telescope or microscope, or no scope at all – what did you discover? A new aspect of yourself? A favorite artist, musician, or variety of cheese? Did you discover something about a loved one? A familiar or new-to-you place? Be broad, be narrow, or be surprising."

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